What Is It Like To Be A Smoker?

One of the main reasons why people start smoking is because they were curious as to what it feels like. So, for those of us who wondered about this as non-smokers, I will walk you through smoking from the perspective of a smoker so you can feel what they feel. How about through a diary?
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Ok, so, I smoke. My non-smoking parents have asked me why, and I have only been able to tell them that it feels pretty good. Of course, the whole jest of this smoking business goes a little deeper than that, but I never have the patience to explain. They just keep nagging me about how it affects my heath, etc. Seriously, I know that. My smoking buddies know that too; it’s printed on the pack and drilled to us as kids.

I’m 19, a student at Waterloo where my 2nd year academic term has definitely gotten to me. You know that stress from all your assignments, midterms, and job seeking on job-mine as a co-op student? Oh, and of course your friends, those BFs, GFs, and those noisy as hell roommates too? Yeah, the typical university stress dose: academics combined with hormones. It’s a two-pronged attack against me. I keep myself together by smoking.
 
Taking a cigarette for me is like a moment of pleasure. I’ve used cigarettes to procrastinate many MANY times. Simply by saying “Hey, I need to take a smoke” pretty much guarantees me a little break, during which, I have met many interesting people. When one person is smoking, I can casually approach them and start a conversation. This happens to me too; others who are looking for a smoke break would approach me as well. It is funny that this is the place where I remember those funny stories that this one guy Greg have told me. This was also where I’ve really got to know him, my first boyfriend. He’s a sweet person that I’ve gotten to know through the many cigarette breaks that I take between classes. We both know the health problems with smoking, and frankly, it's not a big deal.
 
You see, I value each pack and each cigarette with a pretty strong sentimental value. They bring me to other students, almost like a beacon. Wham! Social life comes easy to me in university. Having friends around is a great stress reliever… not to mention being able to finish homework faster as a productive group too! Can you imagine what an almost empty pack would feel like?! Deprived!
 
Speaking of homework, I’ve found that cigarettes help me concentrate… but not really when I go through my packs too fast. So, when I take my typical doses, cigarettes help me concentrate by acting like a smokescreen (literally!) that blocks outside distractions. Sometimes I would smoke one just so I could ignore Greg (haha sorry if you are reading this!). 
 
Greg is a very calm person, and I actually have some difficulty understanding how he feels at certain times. However, I can always tell his mood from how he smokes. Like that one time he was trying to be a bold “badass” for me in public by holding his cigarette with a forefinger and thumb with the end lighting up the palm of his hand. He was confident and I horridly embarrassed. I wouldn’t have been embarrassed if he was a little more buff.
 
I’ve got many more random smoking stories, but I have to admit that I’ve tried to quit before. Even Greg, and every other smoking friends of mine that I’ve asked said the same thing. If not, they’ve at least tried to reduce on it. Not all of us are successful, because not all of us want to really lose the benefits in smoking; it’s fun and brings us together. But then again, this fun is harmful to me and to those unfortunate folks who happened to have to walked by. It brings us together, but together almost a segregated group. When we smoke, only the smokers hangout with us. But there’s a deal-breaker.
 
Financial burden. I’d prefer to do this without that massive cash sink. I want to graduate without debt, and being addicted to cigarettes isn’t really helping. I will try to quit again another day, and I’ve found help here at Waterloo. Maybe I can find another way to deal with the stresses?