When
people talk about the effects of second or third hand smoke, they only really
discuss the physical harm. However, along with the damage that can be made to
someone’s body, there is emotional damage that can be made as well. My parents
have been smoking for most of their adult lives. The confusion that a child of
a smoker like myself faces is, in my opinion, almost equally as damaging as the
effects it has on my physical health. Why is it that they don’t care about my
health? Why won’t they quit if they know that their habits are affecting me
negatively? As someone in this position, I find it hard to understand my
parents’ lack of compassion. I have tried all 19 years of my life to make them
quit as I find it a not-so-great habit. There are many ways one can go about
getting their parents to quit, many of which I have tried. Here is a list of
ways that I myself have tried, the things that have gone wrong with them, and
how to deal with it when it doesn’t go in your favour.
Guilt
This
is a manipulation tactic that is one of the most common ways to try and get
anyone close to you to quit smoking. I have said many different things to try
and guilt them out of it over the years, by expecting that the way that I feel
would overpower their addiction. However, what I needed to realize and what
many others need to realize is that smoking is an addiction and like any
addiction, it overpowers everything else in their mind. It is a device that is
able to control them in every way. You need to remember that this does not mean
that they care any less about you. If you try guilting them and it works for
you, great, but if you try and you fail, don’t think any less of how much they
love or care about you. The two don’t have anything to do with each other.
Their Personal Health
This
may be considered a form of guilt, but I consider it to be in a different
category in terms of the effect it has on you. Everyone knows smoking kills.
Research shows that smoking leads to cancer, can provide complications with
breathing and with a person’s lungs, and decreases the life expectancy .Many
insurance companies even adjust your policy on life insurance when they become
aware of your smoking habits. One thing to remember when using this is that
your parents and loved ones aren’t stupid. A lot of the facts that you may be
spewing to them are things that they are probably aware of too. However, it is
important to outline their health to them - especially if they are getting
older. Although it may not be completely successful, they may come to a
revelation.
Bribery
This
may sound dumb but when I was young, I was a little bit naïve. I essentially
tried to condition my parents without even knowing what the concept of
conditioning was. I told my parents one day that if they cut back on the amount
of cigarettes they smoked each week, I would do extra chores/give a bit back in
my allowance. However, what I did not realize at the time (once again very
young and naïve) is that whatever my parents wrote on a tally table was not
necessarily how much they smoked. When I thought that my parents had almost
completely quit smoking, they were actually smoking just as much, if not more
than they had before because of the stress they felt from hiding it from me.
When I eventually found out, I was incredibly disappointed and once again felt
insecure about how much my parents cared about me. It is important to make sure
that your parents aren’t forced to lie to you because let’s face it, who likes
being lied to? If your parents are legitimately honest with you in a situation
like this, then maybe this tactic will work for you but just make sure you
don’t get disappointed if it doesn’t. Your parents are just trying to make you
happy.
Throwing Books/Nicotine Patches/Nicotine Gum At Them
The
book above is one that my mother, who normally reads about 3 books a week
minimum, has been pretending to read for the last year and a half. My brother
had heard that it worked for a few people that he knew who smoked and he wanted
to try it out. Clearly, it didn’t work. The thing about quitting smoking is
that if someone doesn’t have the motivation, they will not quit. If you just
throw books or gum at them and say here this is the way that you will quit, you
cannot guarantee that they will want to. Most likely they will not want to. In
my opinion this isn’t really a good way to make them quit, and can only really
work if a person has expressed the desire to stop smoking.
Encouragement/Support
A
lot of people want to stop smoking and know the risks but they just can’t do it
alone. There is a difference between yelling things at them to stop and being
supportive. I have of course done both of these things as I can throw quite the
temper tantrum when I want to. Yelling obviously did not make it better;
actually, it just kind of made my throat hurt. But over time, and I am still
working on this, I have made my parents realize how important it is that they
quit and also made them realize that I am here every step of the way.
Before
I end this blog, I kind of need to clarify some things just in case one of my
parents happens to read this. I love my parents and I think that they did an
incredible job raising me. This is their flaw. So if you are reading this and
you are someone who smokes and has a child, know that this is not his or her
only opinion of you. I am still fighting my battle to make my parents quit and
you may still be fighting yours as well. This is all a little hard to
understand. It has taken me years to grasp the concept and some days, I still
don’t even get it. One thing you always have to remember is that none of this
is a reflection of how much this person or these people love you. You just have
to keep “fighting the great fight”.
References:
http://www.pophealthmetrics.com/content/4/1/14
http://www.amazon.ca/Allen-Carrs-Easy-Stop-Smoking/dp/0973468408
http://www.14legs.net/2011/05/smoking-farting.html
http://www.lifeinsurancecanada.com/life-insurance-for-smokers
